sometimes. i'm a little crazy!

so...

i was all happy. and optimistic about my new shop and getting stuff done. and. as if. an answer to my prayers. i get offered to make ipad purses. and. i'm FREAKING OUT! 

i've never made a purse before. and never used anything. and. i hardly! know how to use a sewing machine. and...

i said yes.

sure. ya. i can help you. i can make purses to sell...

what was i thinking?

this is such a big and huge project. and. right now i just feel like i'm going to fail. and. it seems a bit overwhelming. but... then. on the other hand. i'm like. ok. yea. i can do that. i'll figure it out on the way. and. i'll make something spectacular. and. i'll get it done.

so. mixed feelings. but. i think i feel more optimistic then anything.

i want to live in a van down by the river....

haha. that is probably what i'll end up doing with my life. 

no. not true. i dont know if it is this pregnany thing. or because i have no self confidence at all! but. i just feel like my little shop idea is a total disaster. its not. i can make some really cute things. maybe they arent perfect yet. but. they are still nice. i have all these different ideas that i want to do. and. i feel like. when it comes to wanting to do these things i'm at my wedding planning again. all scattered brained. and i start project that i dont finish. and. i just get all down about it. because. all the things that i made for the wedding. were either unfinished. or. kinda forgotten. 

i have some kinda realistic dreams. i want to own a little boutique that sells the jewelry, clothes, and everthing else in between that i make. i want to have cute clothes. that reflects this idea that i have. and i've drawn alot of cute sketches. and i know that if i can get that made that someone else would want to have it too. i have this idea. of romance and lace. and of time. its hard to explain. its a feeling more than a visual thing. basically everything that i tried to make my wedding into. (a little off course on somethings) but. i just have this great feeling when i think. yes. that is what i want to do. 

i think the only thing keeping me back is. inexperience. maybe education. maybe myself even. because i dont think that any of my stuff looks good. 

i love design. i love putting things together to make each and every detail amazing. but then in the big picture. its wow. i love levels. and. depth. and substance. which brings me to another thing that i'd like to do with my life. i had so many good ideas for the wedding. so many. and. i wish that i could give that feeling or setting to someone else. which is why i'd love to run a business that can give that to someone. i would love to be a wedding designer. i'd have everything vintage. and. amazing. my wedding reception. just amped up a bit. and i would also love to keep making bouquets like mine. i loved my bouquet! i know how to make it better now. and i think that there are enough brides out there looking to do something non traditional. and that i could actually sell a few. 

or possibly. i can do both! wouldnt that be a crazy idea? i could have everything for them. like. the bridesmaids dresses. bouquets. wedding reception. oh it would be so amazing. 

i think that my plan of action right now is to. come up with a few samples. try them out online. see if anyone is biting. and if they are. continue to make and sell them online. i think that now that i'm feeling better this seems like a good thing to do. i dont feel so down about it. :) i'm kinda excited now.

is that my peanut?

kyle and i had our first appointment today!!

and. it was beyond amazing! there is a baby in there!

oh my goodness. what a great day today was. ok. so. first. i have to wake up super early. and. i dont like that. hardly at all. and. i'm getting ready and i'm thinking. man. i'm really hungry. i should go and eat a muffin. and. then i'm arguing with myself. no. get your hair done first. i should have stopped. because. that was the closest i've gotten to spewing. ugh. it was horrible. so. after that i got smart and decided to go and eat something. and we go. and. i'm all stressed out. because. this is new. and i'm scared. and. i was a little bad. i meant to stop kyle. and it ended up being kind of a shove. :/ oops. sorry sweetie. 

and we go back there. and they tell me about how i need to eat. and what to do when i feel nauseous and they give me this bag that has a bunch of information in it. like some books. and some formula. and some candies that help with nausea. it was really nice. i got my blood pressure done. and then it was time that they did the ultrasound. 

haha. so. in the movies that i've seen. that goopy stuff is cold. and. they put alot on. and. i wasnt disappointed.  haha. it was pretty cold. so. before all of this i was afraid that they'd be like. oh. you actually arent pregnant. and then. they put there little ultrasound thing on my belly. and there the baby was!! peanut was just perfect. and you could see the heartbeat. it was so fast! he was so tiny! and i was just so happy! there was a baby there. and he was just perfect. oh my goodness. it kinda hit then. that me and kyle are going to be parents. and that this really is real. 

all i've been thinking about is. ok. yea. i'm pregnant. sure. there isnt much evidence except that i'm sick all the time. but. today i got my evidence and there really is going to be a baby! and i'm going to be a mommy. and kyle is going to be the best dad in the whole entire world giving my papi a run for his money. kyles already the best husband ever. so. :) i dont see this going bad or hard at all. well. it'll be hard. but. since i have kyle. it will be easier since we'll have each other. 

there my little baby is. i tried to draw a picture around the baby. but. i think that you can make it out. he's so small!! 

p.s. i hate gimp. (a photo editting program.) it was so hard to just get a circle. and. it wasnt happening.